Today, I want to discuss something quite personal with you; how I feel about animals. Do I love them? Definitely not. Do I hate them? No, hate is a strong word. I think a better word for how I feel about animals would be “dislike.”
Yes, I said it with my chest 😎 I dislike animals except some of them in my pot😋 My sincere apologies to all the vegetarians and veterinary doctors out there. This is one of the reasons I would never have made a good vet (story for another day sha).
I’ll be telling you stories; my experiences with different animals. Maybe you’ll come to understand why I feel the way I do about them.
I hear a lot of people say cats are cute. First of all, let the “Nigerian Christian” in me shout BLOOD OF JESUS!! 😁 I do find cats cute though, but only in pictures.
Every time I see pictures of Nancy’s cats (Shero and Nala) on her status, I start awing. Or Nnedi Okoroafor’s cat; Periwinkle Chukwu (yes, that’s the cat’s name) on Instagram, I begin to fall in love with cats. But bring them close to me, and I’ll take off.
There was a shop right beside my secondary school that had a cat. I stopped going there to buy anything the day I noticed the cat. See, I’m scared shitless of these animals. I do not like the idea of a cat slithering between my legs or curling up at my feet. This was what the cat did to me that day and I nearly wet myself in my school uniform; on a beautiful Monday morning!! 😥 All because I wanted to buy junk. There were other shops around abeg.
Funny thing is; my mum usually says we once had a cat. She said it choked on a bone and died. I have no recollection of any cat at all, so I’m very sure this was before I was born. Maybe if I had met the cat, I wouldn’t be so averse to cats today 🤷
All of you that keep screaming “I love dogs.” Have you ever been chased by a dog? Because I have; TWICE!! I don suffer sha. First time was in the village; I don’t think I was even up to 10 years old. I was walking with an older cousin of mine who was scared shitless of dogs. We passed a dog and she was practically shivering like a leaf. As little as I was, I told this aunty “don’t run. It’ll pursue us.” But no! The moment she looked back and saw the dog following us, she started running 🤦
Here’s the thing now; she was holding my hand. So by extension, I started running too and now I couldn’t stop. Next thing, we started hearing dogs (yes, plural) barking. Fam, I will not lie to you… I was running blindly; I was jumping over yam mounds with my eyes closed.. Apparently, I had entered a farm. Whether aunty left my hand abi I detached my hand from hers, I can’t remember but I was running solo.
Then she fell down and packed sand and all the dogs retreated. That was the day I learnt that dogs were scared of sand; that sand could blind them. I have never confirmed this theory though. I’m not sure if it’s true or false. If you know, please tell me oh.
The second time a dog chased me, I didn’t do anything to it either. We had gone to visit a friend and from the gate, I called and said “hold your dogs abeg.” They had two dogs and one of them (I think his name was Bobby) was very aggressive.
Halfway into the compound, see the Bobby they said was asleep charging towards us from the backyard. Mogbe! What shall I tell my mother? We ran inside the house without wasting time and shut the door.
Before you come and start telling me the dog was not chasing me, yen yen yen, I’ll have you know that my friends that owned the dog were running too. If you can explain why a dog was chasing its owner, then I’ll listen to you. I think these experiences contributed to my dislike for dogs.
Finally eh, which animal has not chased me before? Goat don pursue me join oh 😥 Well, this happened in the village. I insisted on following my cousins to bring the goats home. Then I said let me lead one oh.
That’s how I was holding the goat at arm length and walking fast and the goat was walking fast too. So, I started running and the goat started running too. I did not think that the goat was matching my pace seeing as I was holding the rope 😂 Instead I was running faster until I fell over a yam mound again! I still have the scar from that fall.
Let’s not just talk about all the times my wicked cousins (yes, if you’re reading this, all of you are wicked) used fowl to chase me round the compound in the village. These wicked souls usually blocked every entrance to the house 🙄
Abi you want to hear about the multiple times I refused to board a bus because I noticed somebody carrying fowl inside? Leave matter for Matthias oh.
Till date, I have never held a fowl, let alone attempted to kill one. You that is looking at me like that, can you kill fowl? Don’t disturb me abeg, I’ll keep buying frozen chicken 😍
I sha like horses. So maybe, just maybe, I might be able to stand a horse and ride one someday. I said maybe oh, you can’t hold me to that.
Oya tell me; are you an animal lover or you’re just like me? I want to know.